AF IS A BEATCH

I worked my 30 hour shift this weekend and woke up to find AF upon me with vengeance! Hurts like hell and kinda the part were I finally have to admit 100 percent that this cycle failed. To be honest I was hoping for it. yet at the same time I felt like I did not deserve it. I have met so many people on here who have suffered so many losses and even though we have been TTC for quite some time..One cycle on clomid just did not seem fair to me. Fair as in I see the hurt some of you are going through with all your miscarriages and I feel almost as if it is your turn first.  I know that sounds odd but that is my honest feelings at the moment.
  Not to say I am not still hoping for my turn, because I am so hoping and praying for that day. I am also not looking forward to the hormones to start again. ugh I become so crazy that I even hate myself.  This week I plan to hang out with  J and try and relax in between working. Hopefully soon I hear back from the Dr as to what meds and dosage they want me to start on.

  I am lucky to have such a wonderful man and the unconditional love of my Lola dog and cranky old cat. I swear they can get me through anything and I hope the rest of you are as lucky to have the same in your life.  Time to go relax with my Advil and heating pad as well.   One of these days I will post something other than my TTC life. heh till than nighty night.